Introduction
Intergenerational living for Mission –
A problem to be solved or a challenge to lived:
It would need more than two talks to do it justice because it is such a broad topic; a topic that touches every aspect of our lives as women and men religious. Even though I have been asked to share from my personal experience, I will only be touching the tip of the iceberg, so to say. I’d like to begin by thanking Fr. John Paul for giving me a couple of pointers for this sharing, to help me to focus on certain areas. While I am sharing from my personal experience as a woman religious of a
missionary congregation, I believe that this is an integral part of our lives as human beings created in the image and likeness of God (cf. Gen. 1:27). God created diversity… God saw all that He had made, and indeed it was very good (cf. Gen. 1:31).
So, from the beginning of creation there has been diversity. Diversity is the only way that we can come anywhere close to catching a glimpse of God or understanding God; our God in whose image we are all created. So, in our intergenerational living (in community), each one of us is called to reveal the face of our God of diversity.
How do we nurture this life in ourselves, and in each other in community?
So, we can say that each person who is called to a specific congregation is called because there is the unique face of God, in whose image they are created and that they are called to discover (during formation and throughout their life). Together in community, we are called to live and witness to the unique face of God that God is calling us to reveal for our world today wherever we are.
In faith we receive the sisters God gives us, accepting our differences and our complementarity in an attitude of listening, of trust, and of respect for each one’s mystery and path. We support one another on our journey towards the Lord. (Constitutions 20)
All this reminds us that as Christians, as women and men religious, we are called to live in God’s Story. Our world needs to hear and see God’s story, more than ever today.
We will come back to this – Living in God’s Story, when we get to the third point of suggesting some ways and means to work through the challenges of Intergenerational Living for mission. So intergenerational living for mission is God’s story. For this reason, God needs to be at the centre of our lives both personal and communal.
Today is built on Yesterday and tomorrow is built on today. So, every generation is needed in order to continue living in and discovering God’s Story, our God who continues to create and recreate (Is this not what mission is all about? We show it through our way of living in community and through our different ministries).
Even before speaking of community life or mission, we need to remember that intergenerational living is part of belonging to the human family. We all come from families, and here I am referring to the traditional family – grandparents, parents (mother and father), children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, extended family etc. etc. in a village setup even the neighbours are included (listened to, give advice etc.). So, family is the first institution of transmission of life, values, education etc.
We have just finished the Synod. I believe can teach us a lot about intergenerational living for mission, starting with the logo.
Synodality – Logo
A large, majestic tree, full of wisdom and light, reaches for the sky. A sign of deep vitality and hope which expresses the cross of Christ. It carries the Eucharist, which shines like the sun. The horizontal branches, opened like hands or wings, suggest, at the same time, the Holy Spirit.
The people of God are not static: they are on the move, in direct reference to the etymology of the word synod, which means “walking together”. The people are united by the same common dynamic that this Tree of Life breathes into them, from which they begin their walk.
These 15 silhouettes sum up our entire humanity in its diversity of life situations of generations and origins.
When he came to the Synod last year, Fr. Radcliffe said he had believed the great challenge was to overcome the opposition between traditionalists and progressives; but he said he saw the greater challenge as how the Church can embrace all the diverse cultures of the world while remaining united. Noting that “no one culture can unite us,” he invited the Synod to “listen to one another with humility.” (Synod 2023 Timothy Radcliffe)
Isn’t this what we are called to in Intergenerational living for mission?
We do not gather in synod to negotiate compromises or bash opponents,” Fr. Radcliffe said in his third meditation. “We are here to learn from one another what the meaning of this strange word ‘love’ is.”
Different cultures are called to unity while remaining distinct, with none dominating another.
(3rd Meditation at the October 2024 Synod), Timothy Radcliffe
So interculturality is a movement from tolerance of differences to appreciation and celebration of those differences.
Understanding each other.
So how do we begin to understand each other when we are so diverse in our different ages and cultures? I’d like to refer to a worldview known as Ubuntu. Although it is African, I am sure that all cultures have a similar worldview at their roots.
“Ubuntu is a comprehensive ancient African worldview based on the values of intense humanness, caring, sharing, respect, compassion, and associated values, ensuring a happy and qualitative community life in the spirit of family” (Broodryk, 2006).
Ubuntu is a belief in sacredness, and is the foremost priority of the human being in all conduct; it is a lifelong process”. (Bhengu)
Ubuntu ngumuntu ngabantu
I am a person through other persons
The values of Ubuntu have been transferred throughout generations by word of mouth, especially in the format of story-telling around a fire.
So perhaps we need to ask ourselves – What of our values, our stories as religious men and women of different generations? How do we share them in community?
When people of different generations come together what are some of the dynamics to be aware of; what are some of the cultural dynamics at work?
Recently I read this quote from an English poet, Somerset Maughan that speaks for itself:
It is very difficult to know people. For, men and women are not only themselves; they are also the region in which they are born, the city apartment or the farm in which they learned to walk, the games they played as children, the old wives’ tales they overheard, the food they ate, the schools they attended, the sports they followed, the poets they read, and the God they believed in. You can know them only if you are them. (W. Somerset Maugham)
Note – Perhaps this is the first thing to be aware of!!! This will help us to put things in perspective and to realise that we can never know and understand another person fully. So, the question is how do I welcome the other who
is different in age, in culture, in upbringing and even in thoughts and in their understanding of our way of life (even if we are the same age and the same culture). Perhaps we forget this sometimes.
As members of international missionary congregations, we can also say that we have within us something of the different cultures we have lived in and different experiences that we have had.
Dynamics to be aware of
Expectations the young person has of self, others and the congregation as a whole (the way of understanding our way of life) – often they are very idealistic.
Expectations can lead to being judgemental.
It becomes even more of a challenge when it is not only intergenerational, but also intercultural.
Dress code – when we enter or are young in a congregation, we often want and sometimes need structure to help with a sense of belonging. I identify myself with my habit, with the structure and all the many external things, including ministry. This becomes stronger if the young person hasn’t come from a strong sense of family, a strong sense of belonging, of being held.
It is also a time when one is very vulnerable to being influenced, so good role models are extremely important.
When we enter, we are sponges on the one hand, taking in everything and then on the other hand, we can be critical of what we see without understanding it. An older vocation – this is a bigger challenge. Although the young or not so young women are just starting out, are novices, they are not novices in life and therefore it is important to keep this in mind and to treat them as such. Their ideas are sometimes more fixed or rigid. How are we inclusive of each one?
Often, older religious, who have spent many years in religious life, have expectations of how the young women should behave and so the young person can end up having more than the one in charge telling her what to do how to behave or what is acceptable or not etc….
In talking of cultural dynamics, we know that culture is like an iceberg.
The upper visible part
Language, dressing, greeting, hairstyle, gestures, food, eating style, way of praying, music, art, hobbies, reading, emotional display, social communication, eye contact, leisure activity, sports and entertainment.
In many cultures, age has to be respected by the way we welcome, greet, the place we give and, in some cases, not looking directly in the persons eyes.
How do we pray together and celebrate together?
Lower invisible part
Invisible part of life, human nature and God, relationship rules, Notions of time, views on value of work, motivations for achievement, role of adults and children in family, importance of face, harmony, tolerance for change, communication styles, gender roles, thinking styles. And we can go on and on. Do we ever talk about this, especially the invisible part, in order to know and understand ourselves and each other better?
Importance of giving time – we grow in awareness, in knowledge of who and what we are called to – this particular family/clan/tribe/country/congregation we belong to. We are slowly becoming more rooted in who we are and where we belong.
It is not easy to forget the shock of the differences if the young person is coming into this type of environment for the first time – cultural shock. How much more if the young person is in her own country and is joining a congregation where the majority culture is not her own. How do we welcome, how do we celebrate, how do we include the young person’s family into the different ceremonies and into the community in general? Do we ever use or include cultural ways of welcome in our different vows’ ceremonies?
We have for the first time, in the history of humanity, the generations who do not need the elderly in order to receive the knowledge of the past.
The values conveyed by traditional communication are socialisation, culture, education, humour, friendship, respect for oneself and others, stability and social peace. Traditional information conforms to rules and has an important human dimension.
What is now a normal part of everyday life, especially for the younger generations impinges on every aspect of our Religious Life. We can even ask ourselves – How often have I opened and looked at my phone since I arrived here this morning?
Provide keys to understanding the differences in apprehending reality and living together; differences in vision, expectations and commitment
I invite us to recall the moment when we first entered religious life. This will help us to understand better the differences between the different generations. We can probably all remember our enthusiasm, our passion when we first entered. We were ready to give Jesus everything, to give ourselves to Him without reserve. We were ready to conquer the world for Jesus; ready to convert everyone. We had very high expectations of ourselves and of the others in community. We might even have thought that there were brothers or sisters in community that needed converting!
Perhaps it didn’t take long for disillusionment to begin to damper the enthusiasm – religious sisters and brothers are not perfect after all!!! Perhaps we even had a vocation or faith crisis. Is this really where God wants me?
Community life is not what I thought it would be! Then the questions – why is sister so impatient when I ask a simple question? Why is brother ignoring me when I try to speak to him after prayer? Why does everyone rush out of the chapel to go to work? Why does no one greet me in the morning? It was always the first thing we did at home! We spend so little time doing things together because everyone is so busy!
I’m sure that we can go on and on with the questions we asked ourselves when we first started out many years ago; questions that young women and men probably also ask today, as they search for meaning and authenticity.
Each person comes with their own experience of family; the values that they were taught when growing up. Things that we take for granted. Perhaps this causes the first shock when coming into a community “culture”, which may have a very different set of values.
Very often, these are things that are not spoken of. The young person, or new arrival is often expected to ‘fit in’ – we have always done it this way.
There is an old story about a monastery and a cat. When the spiritual teacher and his followers would gather in the evening for meditation, the cat that lived at the monastery would make too much noise for them to concentrate. So, the teacher began to tie the cat up each evening before meditation. This allowed everyone to concentrate without distraction.
Before long, tying up the cat became part of the meditation ritual. Eventually the cat died, and so a new cat was found that they could tie up before evening meditation.
Of course, tying up a cat had nothing to do with meditation. It started out as a way to accomplish the meditation without distraction. But eventually became part of the meditation ritual, and then even became so engrained in the practice that they felt like they couldn’t meditate without tying up a cat.
Does this happen in our communities – we have always done it that way (even if it is no longer relevant or even necessary)?
I’d like to suggest that there is one main key to understanding the differences and that is the way of understanding religious life. What is our vision as a congregation? Is this my point of reference? Is this the point of reference in our formation programs, our community life, our mission etc.? When we enter religious life, we often take things literally – we have obligations to fulfill – doing my prayer and my formation/studies, following the timetable, doing my ministry (perhaps something I feel passionate about or something I have never done before or that I don’t want to do). It is what gives them their ‘new’ identity. Is this perhaps also what we use when evaluating the young person at the different stages? They are good religious because they are doing what they should do.
Through example, formation and accompaniment, the young person is helped to gradually discover that becoming a religious is about personal responsibility, owning my behaviour and doing what I do because I want to, because this life is what God has called me to and not because I have to. I’d like to share a simple experience that I had during my novitiate and that has stayed with me over the past 45 years. Every Saturday, I used to go with a sister for the meeting of the girl guides. On one occasion, they were planning an outing; to go mountain climbing. I asked the novice mistress if I could go with them. She asked me to decide and then to tell her what decision I had made and why. It was so simple and yet so difficult for me. It would have been so much easier for her to say yes or no and I would have accepted it. She was teaching me in a very practical way how to discern and to take responsibility for my decision.
It is about making connections between my call, my formation, my community living, mission and ministry. That is, my call is what motivates me. In other words, it is about becoming a ‘spiritual’ adult. Jesus becomes the reason for doing what I do and not fear of my superiors or whether or not I will make my vows. He is the only one I am trying to please.
In my experience, to help in this whole area, we have tried to have an elderly sister in the novitiate. She is very often a real example of what we are trying to teach the young sisters. There is mutual exchange between her and the young women. She is an example of perseverance and faithfulness for many years. She has wisdom to share from her own experience, struggles and joys. She has time and patience to be with and to listen to the young. At the same time this can be a challenge for the older sister because the young usually want to do everything for them. There is a mutual accompaniment and understanding of each other’s struggles and needs.
The older religious, who isn’t the superior or formator can become a mentor and confidant, while the younger sister/brother can keep the older brother/sister young at heart, while understanding their limited energy levels and limitations.
In Deuteronomy 30:19, God says to Moses – “I put before you ‘life and death’. Choose life”. Is this not what our life, our spirituality, our vows are all about. They have value only as saying something about what it is to be alive. So, we can say that as we grow in our understanding and living of our commitment, we are led to an ever-deeper freedom in the Lord, shedding what burdens us as we journey together.
Vows – when we begin religious life, we often see the vows connected to what we have to give up, what we must or mustn’t have or do.
Then later, as we grow and mature in our understanding through ups and downs, through formation (both initial and ongoing), we realise that it is a lifelong journey.
By profession, we open ourselves to God’s infinite love. Our self-sufficiency must be converted to self-gift in response to God’s unconditional love.
Poverty – moving from ‘few possessions, giving to the poor and needy’ to nothing else but You’.
Obedience – moving from ‘having to do what I am told’ to ‘not my will but yours’. Obedience for the reign of God – inner freedom to give all to God.
Chastity – moving from ‘no family of my own ’to ‘no one else but You’. Chastity for the reign of God – my heart is restless until it rests in Him.
Man/woman cannot fully find him/herself except through a sincere gift of self (Gaudium et Spes 24).
A gift of self, which is in all areas of life – vows, community life, ministry
So, the question that we need to constantly ask ourselves is – Where is my treasure? Where is my heart?
With the help of some examples suggest ways and means to work through some of the above
Always keep the aim and vision of the congregation before us – I am not here for myself. If we are together in community, it is because it is God who has called us. Is intergenerational living not an integral part of our witness to the world, especially today’s world that has no time for the elderly or the young (only for the workforce age group)?
What are our congregation traditions, our way of welcoming/integrating new members, our story telling?
What are our congregation traditions, our way of welcoming/integrating new members, our story telling?
Story telling – Sitting around a fire or during a meal. In listening with the ear of our hearts, we can learn how our fellow sisters have faithfully lived our charism and mission over decades of life in community. Their stories can tell us more than a formation class or article ever could. We also listen to the enthusiasm and energy of the young who desire to become a part of the story, of the family.
Generative listening and speaking (conversation in the Spirit, as was practiced during the Synod)
Generative listening and speaking – Learn to meet at a deeper level that is beyond difference and age.
Believe that each age has something specific to offer; the gift of each age.
Listen to what the younger generation has to share. They bring energy, gifts, skills, vibrancy and newness. They have high expectations, high ideals. They can share their joys and struggles growing up in today’s culture and how difficult it is to find their path in life with so many options before them.
When the young person first enters religious life, they naturally have expectations of their older sisters and brothers in community. They often expect perfection, which can cause disappointment, because they see that we ‘older’ religious are not perfect. At the same time, it can be comforting for them to see that their elders don’t have everything in religious life figured out and that living with questions is normal. It leaves the door open for the Spirit to work.
The elderly or older person is the wise person, the one with experience, the one they approach when they need help, when they want to clarify or understand something. They have patience, commitment, conviction, deeper faith, understanding and experience of living the Charism.
Do I believe that my younger sister/brother has something to offer?
Can we by humble enough to learn from the young, if God has called them, they have something to offer; something to give for the growth of the community, of the Institute for today – that unique aspect of the face of God that only they can bring?
Again, we come back to God’s Story. Does our Intergenerational living, our formation help the young and help each one of us to discover our uniqueness, which is for our world today that it too may rediscover that true life and true meaning are to be found in God alone?
The other, who is different from me, is created in the image and likeness of God. In her/him hides a treasure that I do not know and that must be discovered as a gift from God.
Formation (Initial and Ongoing)
Importance of formation programs – initial and ongoing – allow each one to be themselves developing their gifts, discovering the Charism, deepening their roots in our communities, honing our listening skills, growing in compassion for those who are different from us, and see and serve Christ in new situations. This is how they will live mission. Am I malleable like clay in the hand of the Potter, regardless of age?
Elders can teach the young how to forgive themselves, to find their identity in who they are rather than what they do, and to be grateful for who we are together as community.
How well do we know our Constitutions? What do they say in the chapter on community? What does it mean to be FMM, Holy Family, Dominican, Jesuit etc.?
Through the fraternal life each one learns to live with those whom God has put at his or her side, accepting their positive traits along with their differences and limitations. (Vita Consacrata 67)
Living in the Spirit, consecrated persons discover their own identity and find profound peace; they grow more attentive to the daily challenges of the word of God, and they allow themselves to be guided by the original inspiration of their Institute.
Under the action of the Spirit, they resolutely keep times for prayer, silence and solitude, and they never cease to ask the Almighty for the gift of wisdom in the struggles of everyday life (cf. Wis 9:10). (VC 71)
By the action of the Holy Spirit who is at the origin of every vocation and charism, consecrated life itself is a mission, as was the whole of Jesus’ life…. more than in external works, the mission consists in making Christ present to the world through personal witness. (VC 72)
“The missionary must be a contemplative in action … he (she) is a witness of God-experience”
(Redemptoris Missio No. 91) Encyclical of John Paul 11 (07/12/1990)
This became very real for me during my 7-year mission experience in Papua New Guinea. It is where I grew up as a woman and as an FMM. I was away from my familiar, protected and limited territory of South Africa. Everything was new; everything had to be learned. I had to make my own everything that I had learnt in my family while growing up, and everything that I had learnt in the Franciscan Missionaries of Mary during my initial formation. I realised very quickly that no one knew me, so there were no pre-conceived ideas. It was like a new beginning; I could be who I wanted to be – allow the real me to flourish or let my weaknesses and limitations take over!!!
I was blessed with sisters in the different communities and others who helped me to move in the right direction – to discover ever more deeply what it meant to be an FMM in this very different part of God’s world. It was during a retreat on our FMM Charism, preached by one of our sisters, that I realised with conviction that my first mission is to my own sisters in community. How can I be present to others, if I can’t be present to my own sisters in community? I was discovering with deep joy and conviction what is means to live in God’s Story.
This is the challenge; this is the primary task of the consecrated life!
Every time someone new comes to the community, there is a need to reflect on and redo the community project. Arriving new in a community or a service is not only about intergenerational living’ that is, connected to age, but rather to the principles – being new I am ‘young’ and someone younger than me is ‘old’ because they have been longer in the community?
The exchange of skills and knowledge across generations can be profoundly enriching, providing younger members with wisdom and older members with fresh perspectives.
Learn to meet at a deeper level that is beyond difference and age – how do we adapt, adjust our community programs, depending on who the community members are – students, committed to fulltime ministry, the sick and elderly? Do we want to keep our community program because it is how we have always done things?
Is intergenerational living not an integral part of our witness to the world, especially today’s world that has no time for the elderly or for the very young (only for the workforce age group)?
Pope Francis often refers to the relationship between elderly and young religious in his homilies on the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord each year. “It is good for the elderly to communicate the wisdom to young people, and carry it forward, not to keep it in a museum, but to implement it by addressing the challenges that life presents to us, to carry it forward for the benefit of all the religious families in the Church. (Pope Francis 2 February 2014). It was 10 years ago, but it is still very actual for us today.
Reflect on the story
A sage asked his disciples, “when do you know that the night is gone, and day is born?”
One disciple said, “Well, when you can distinguish a white thread from a black one.” “No”, said the sage. “When you can make out a jack tree from a mango against the horizon”, another tried. The teacher again said, “No”. Others offered other solutions but could not satisfy the teacher. Finally, the wiseman emphatically said, “Listen, when you can look into the eyes of a stranger, and see your own brother or sister in those eyes, then the day is dawned for you. Until then you are in darkness”.
Is this not our desire in our intergenerational living for mission?
Conclusion
At the beginning I mentioned that we would come back to God’s story. I’d like to suggest that what I have shared with you is an attempt to understand how we are called to always remain in God’s story because it is our story. It is only in remaining in this story, which is the story of humanity that together we will discover who God is calling us to be and what God is calling us to do for our broken world today.
I’d like to conclude with a reflection I had a few years ago. It is a blessing that I offer to each one here today. While it speaks of Africa, it is actually true for our whole world.
May the spirit of UBUNTU lead you and guide you in your choices.
May she watch over you in your goings and comings.
May she teach you her ways in the secret of your heart.
She is the compassion and forgiveness
that calls you in the pain and agony of the lost and broken.
She is the care and love
That holds you in the embrace of family and friends.
She is the honesty and the self-control
That grows your relationships.
She is the responsibility and perseverance
That heals a nation.
Listen to Mother Africa,
she will enfold you in her spirit;
The spirit of UBUNTU
